


If you're going to say something judgemental...

by Jojo_In_The_Shadows



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Gen, Lucille's past, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 17:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17708660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jojo_In_The_Shadows/pseuds/Jojo_In_The_Shadows
Summary: The card from Patsy and Delia brings back some memories for Lucille.





	If you're going to say something judgemental...

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doped up on cold and flu meds, so if any of this doesn't make sense or is out of character for Lucille give me a heads up and I'll fix it when I feel human again. Also, now thinking the last part is unnecessary. Urghh!
> 
> PS. You're all lovely!

“I can cycle with you as far as Hale Street if you like?”

Lucille followed Valerie down the front steps of Nonnatus House, but her mind was still lingering in the clinical room.

“Lucille?”

“Hmm?” The Jamaican woman drew her attention back to the present, glancing up at her colleague only to find her watching her with a concerned look on her face.

“You all right?” Valerie asked, strapping her bag onto the back of her bicycle. “You seem a million miles away?”

“Oh, yes I’m fine,” she reassured, following Valerie’s example and stowing her bag securely. “Just thinking is all.” She could feel Valerie’s eyes on her as she pulled the bicycle out of the rack, moving to walk alongside her.

“Penny for them?”

“Oh they’re never that expensive,” Lucille giggled as they walked under the railway bridge. “Just…I don’t know…contemplating on Nurse Busby, and Nurse Mount.”

“What about them?” Valerie’s chin was lifted and brow furrowed in what almost seemed to Lucille to be a nervous defensiveness.

“Only, well, that it must be quite some friendship, for Nurse Busby to give up a career she’d only just retrained in. To follow Nurse Mount around the world and then to set up home together such a long way away in Scotland…” She heard her friend take a deep breath by her side, and a tension suddenly appear between them that had never existed. Perhaps she shouldn’t have let Valerie coax this out of her.

“Lucille, I don’t know what you’re driving at…”

“Are they really just friends?” The words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. This conversation seemed to have taken on a life of it’s own despite the wholly inappropriate location. “It just seems such a lot to leave everything and everyone behind…”

Valerie stopped and span towards her so fast Lucille almost let go of her bicycle. “If you’re about to say something judgemental I’ll thank you to keep it behind your teeth!” Valerie hissed, her own teeth clenched tight. 

Lucille had never been on the receiving end of sharp words from the Poplar girl, and she was sure she should be cowed by them. But her mouth apparently did not want to stop today! “I’m just curious is all. Are you…like that?”

“No!” Valerie’s nostrils flared as she glanced around nervously, before taking a step into Lucille’s personal space and looking her square in the eye. “But I knew plenty of women in the army who were. Women I’d’ve laid down my life for. And Delia was a good friend of mine and I won’t see her reputation smeared by anyone! Let alone someone who’s never even met her!”

Lucille took a fortifying breath, now a little nervous in the face of Valerie’s ire. “Valerie, I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick here.”

Valerie leant her bike against her hip so she could cross her arms over her chest, chin raised again in defiance. “How’s that?”

It took rather a lot of energy not to give in to the urge to twist her fingers, or to break eye contact with Valerie, but Lucille had to stand her ground. She hadn’t realised how important this was until this moment. “I have no interest in smearing anyone’s reputation. That would be a grave insult to the memory of someone I once cared for very much.”

Valerie’s chin slowly descended as her brows knit together in confusion. “Go on.”

Lucille drew another breath. “When I was 8, my father was offered a better position in a school right over the other side of Mandeville. Much to my mother’s chagrin we upped sticks and moved house to be closer. I loved our new street, all the children would be out in the sun after school, dashing in and out of each other’s houses, there was always someone to play with. 

One day an older lady appeared in her front garden with a tray heaving with glasses of lemonade. Every child in the street just dropped what they were doing and descended on the poor woman who only laughed and smiled as one by one the glasses were emptied. Her name was Hedit, and she was the sweetest lady you could ever hope to meet. She loved everyone of them children like they were her own grand babies, and she gladly took my siblings and I under her wing. She and her companion, Ivy, had lived together since they both became teachers at the turn of the century. They had the most magnificent collection of books. Ivy would sit with me for hours after school and we would talk about the stories held between those pages. She set me on my course to become a librarian. The pair of them always had time for any child that needed or wanted them.

I remember one day I had won a certificate at school. I can’t remember what it was for, only that I simply had to show it to Hedit. I was so excited I forgot to knock on the door before I burst into their kitchen. Hedit was standing at the stove, Ivy stood behind her, her arms wrapped gently around her middle. Hedit offered Ivy a taste of whatever she was cooking from the wooden spoon in her hand, followed swiftly by a kiss to the lips. I’ll never forget their smiles in that moment. Of course I didn’t truly understand what I was seeing, and they moved apart quickly, but not ashamedly, when they noticed my presence. They both told me how proud they were of me for winning my certificate and allowed me to take a chocolate biscuit from the tin they hid on the top shelf, out of reach of all the other children.

At the time I did wonder why we never saw them at church, but it wasn’t until I was 11 that the rumours started spreading. Parent’s suddenly wouldn’t let their children visit with Hedit and Ivy anymore, they were deemed sinful, unclean. My father asked me to stay away, and at first I refused. I loved them. But the rumours got more spiteful, more vicious, and the children at school started saying I would become like them. I still didn’t understand what that meant, but selfishly I didn’t want to be the subject of any more teasing or gossip, so I stayed away. I will always regret that.

One morning when I was 13 the entire street was woken by the most heartbreaking howl you have ever heard. Hedit had passed away during the night, and Ivy had woken to find her cold in the bed beside her. All the families they had helped, all the children they had tended, including myself, not a single one was there to comfort Ivy. She had to lay out Hedit’s body alone, our pastor refused to perform the funeral and no-one attended the service. That solitary figure, all in black, walking behind the undertakers hearse haunts me to this day. Ivy followed Hedit to the grave not 3 weeks later. No-one tended her either. And for that I can never forgive myself.”

Valerie’s thumbs wiped away tears that Lucille hadn’t even realised were on her cheeks. “You were a child. It was never your responsibility.”

Lucille shook her head. “They deserved to be seen from this world by someone who loved them.”

“I’m so sorry.” Valerie pulled her into a hug. Lucille was grateful, but didn’t let it linger. This was not the season for self-pity, Christmas was a time for joy and love.

“So you see,” Lucille smiled, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes, “I do not stand in judgement over Nurse Busby or Nurse Mount.”

Valerie smiled in return. “Delia never told me explicitly that she and Patsy were together. But the look on her face when we were all discussing patterns for Barbara’s wedding dress, like a reminder that there was something she desperately wanted but could never have. And the way she’d rush to the door when the postman came…You know what, I miss her.”

Lucille took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I don’t know if Hedit and Ivy ever knew there were other women like them out there, but I think they would find joy in knowing that there’s a couple out there who love each other as much as they did.”

The smile Valerie presented now was small and brief, her lips drooping into a pinched line as she broke eye contact. “Can I be honest with you?”

It was Lucille’s turn to knit her brows in confusion. “Of course you can, I hoped you’d know that.”

“I lied. I am like them, of that inclination, just not exclusively,” Valerie gushed, staring wide-eyed at Lucille, verging on terrified.

Lucille’s smile returned as she pulled Valerie into a warm hug. “Thank you. Your secret is safe with me.”


End file.
